Before the beginning of time, God has existed as a perfect union a relational oneness of divine being in the Triune Godhead of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God functions in relational oneness. God in the inter-relations of the three Persons of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In Genesis 1:26-27, God created man and woman to reflect His image. We were designed to function deriving from the relational oneness of God experiencing His life. What does this have to do with sex? Much! Because sex is the joining of two people, man, and a woman, two bodies being joined together. But sex as God designed it is much much more.
Sex is the bonding together of a man and women which unites them physically, psychologically, and spiritually because sex is the greatest level of intimacy that God has designed for a man and a woman. God created a safe and secure context in which to experience the intercourse of sex. This place or context is called marriage. God’s intent for a healthy sexual relationship has always been, between a man and woman belonging exclusively to each other in marriage. This provides the only environment for both, to physically give themselves to each other, as an act of love, free from fear, insecurity, and shame.
How best may a married couple practice and cumulate sexual intimacy? It is not my intention to deal with procedures and techniques of sexual practice, but rather discuss some of the practical applications that Scripture encourages.
I Corinthians 7:4,5 – “The wife does not have power over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise, the husband does not have power over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except for mutual consent for a time, that you might give yourselves to prayer and fasting. Come together again that Satan might not tempt you through lack of self-control.”
The “rights” to your body have been given to your mate in marriage. We are “in debt” to our partners to meet their every need. It is our duty to see that they are fulfilled. Such an attitude will evidence the self-giving context of marital love.
Song of Solomon 5:3 – “I have taken off my dress; Why should I put it on again? I have washed my feet; Why should I get them dirty again?” Making excuses to avoid sexual relationship with your husband or wife is rebelling against God’s principles. In so failing to meet your mate’s needs, you have sinned against your mate and against God. Such rebellion opens your mate to additional Satanic temptations to be resentful or adulterous.
Men are stimulated primarily by sight, whereas women are stimulated primarily by touch. Be appealing to one another – body hygiene, clothing, etc. Men have quick reaction to stimulation, whereas women have slower reaction and thus need more physical stimulation. Women generally require stimulation in foreplay prior to intercourse and sometimes in after play. Men are “turned on” like an electric light bulb, whereas women are more like an electric iron – they take a while to get warmed up. Women have just as great sexual needs as men. Simultaneous orgasm is not necessarily the norm nor the idea. To the male, sex is an act within a specific point of time. To the female, it is inseparably tied with her outlook on life and the total relationship with her husband. A woman’s attitude toward sex is intrinsically combined with her nurturing perspectives and desires. Men need to realize that sex is closely associated with romance in the mind of a woman.
Praise your wife. Song of Solomon 2:2 – ” Like a lily among the thorns.” Remember the little things. Be tender and thoughtful. Wives are not to be just passive participants in the sexual encounter. Your husband wants to be wanted and desired. Be aggressive and initiate the act periodically.
Here are some practical applications of scripture:
Total Exposure. Genesis 2:25 – “They were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” Between husband and wife there is to be total uninhibited exposure with no embarrassment or shame. We are to be aroused and excited about one another’s bodies. It appears that Solomon ‘s young wife understood how men are aroused by the female body and utilized this in displaying herself in a provocative nude dance before her husband. (Song of Solomon 6:13-7:9).
Solomon and his bride communicated in very erotic and sensual language. “Silent sex” often leaves one or both partners unfulfilled. Solomon praised his wife’s physical appearance from top to bottom (4:1-6) and from bottom to top (7:1-9). Likewise, she described his body. (5:10-16). In the midst of their lovemaking, they freely explain what brings pleasure. She instructs him as to how to fondle and stimulate her body: “Let his left hand be under my head, and his right-hand fondle me” (Song of Solomon 2:6).
Atmosphere is important. Many bedrooms are not conducive to good lovemaking, as they become a cluttered catch-all room in the home. Do not hesitate to make it a real private love-chamber.
Solomon’s bride suggested an overnighter in the mountains of Lebanon. “Come, my beloved, let us go out into the fields, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us rise early and go to the vineyards; …There I will give you my love.” (Song of Solomon 7:11,12) You may wish to schedule a special weekend for lovemaking!
Do not get in a rut! Anything can become repetitive and dull, if expressed in the same way every time. Experiment in your expression of love to one another. “Variety is the spice of life.” The Bible places no limits on this experimentation as long as it is not offensive to either party and is a legitimate expression of unselfish love. If it affords mutual pleasure and satisfaction to both parties, then it is holy and pleasing to God.
Realize that sex is a Spiritual Experience. The marriage relationship is at the core a spiritual relationship. Even the sexual relationship expresses the spiritual oneness. God sees it as a sacred event. You absolutely should pray together celebrating your sexual union as an expression of worship to God for what He has ordained. Discuss the joys of your sexual union of expression with God as well as the problems, if there be any. The latter part of Song of Solomon 5:1 may well be the Lord’s benediction on a proper sexual relationship: “Eat friends, drink abundantly you lovers.” God’s initial declaration upon creating male and female for one another still stands: “It is very good” (Genesis 1:31).
Sex As God Intended represents His love, faithfulness, commitment, unconditional love, and permanence of a two-in-one-relationship of the martial union.
Living the Victorious Life
Living the Victorious Life
Living the Victorious Life